Sick Days Don’t Exist in Food Service

This is so true! I got fired from my most recent fast food job a couple years ago for calling out due to possibly needing my gallbladder out (I ended up being fine, but I literally couldn’t keep anything down, or stand upright, let alone run a drive-thru by myself.)

My job now? If I come in with the sniffles, they try to kick me out of the office. Weird doesn’t begin to cover it.

Break Room Stories

In an office job if you’re sick the powers at be want you to stay home. If someone tries to gut it out they are invariably told over and over again to go home and get some rest.
This is not the case in the restaurant industry. You’d think that GMs would want folks to stay home rather than cough on customers, food, or other servers. Sanitation should be key…except when you’re sick and haven’t found someone to cover your shift!


View original post


Take A Bite Of My Heart Tonight

[Today’s post title is from “Animal” by Neon Trees. Like any half-decent song from a popular group, it was extremely overplayed when it first came out. Luckily, that was a few years ago. As always, all links open in a new window/tab.]

This post contains potentially triggering material and links to sites that are not trans* inclusive in their wording. Please consider your current mental state and your ability to review material regarding menstrual cycles and products. This is part one of two. The next post on this topic will be regarding navigating male bathrooms while using the products mentioned in this post.

Read more…

Girls Can Wear Jeans

[Today’s title is from the Madonna song “What It Feels Like For a Girl” from her album, Music, released in 2000. The link is to the music video on YouTube. And warning: this was during Madonna’s faux-British phase. So her speaking voice is different than you’d usually expect.]

So, I know I said I was going to write about bleeding for this post. But, I can’t right now. I’ve been looking for sites that help inform consumers about certain products related to this issue, and the lack of inclusion has me reeling. I’m more than a little overwhelmed. So, hopefully I will be able to get to that in the next post.

Luckily, this morning I had a funny moment with a coworker that really helped me start the week off right. I was standing next to her car while she did her make-up for work. She stopped putting on her mascara long enough to tell me a story. When she finished the story, she continued to apply mascara to the same eye, and this bit follower:

ME: Didn’t you just do that eye?
HER: I didn’t finish separating my lashes.
ME: *Scoffs.*
HER: Being a girl is hard work [Gavin]!
ME: I know. I tried it for 20-plus years. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
BOTH OF US: *Bust out laughing.*

Yeah, I’m out at work. Generally speaking. My direct co-workers know I am trans*, but people in general don’t know. I just am not the kind of person to hide my past, or hide from it. Some folks need to do that. And I don’t think any less of them for doing what they feel necessary to protect their mental state. I just don’t.

Also, my name is not Gavin. It’s actually nowhere near my name. It is, however, a name I like, and in a different series of events, would have chosen. So I consider it a fantastic penname.

I’m thankful to have people in my life that will laugh at these jokes I make about my circumstances. I am more thankful that these people let me call the shots on when my history is available for discussion or jokes. The respect I receive from the majority of the people in my life is truly affirming, and I know I would be a wholly different sort of person without it.

As always,

Progress, not Perfection

Mock Me With Praise

{Title is from “Being Alive” from the musical Company by Stephen Sondheim. I encourage everyone to watch it. the 2006 revival cast is brilliant. Here’s the link to just this song. It’s the last song of the production, so try to watch the whole thing first, if you want the full power of the song. Link opens in new window/tab.)

It’s April. That means a few things for me:

  • Autism Acceptance Month (Not Awareness. People know it exists. The goal for most Autistic folks is to get people to accept this is just how it is, and stop trying to fix us. We’re not broken.)
  • Sexual Assault Awareness Month (This is a huge problem in our country. And as long as there are people in the highest levels of government that think “modesty” has anything to do with rape or that rape victims can’t get pregnant unless they wanted it, we can’t shut up about it.)
  • Blue Ribbon Awareness Week and National Child Abuse Prevention Month (I would hope I don’t have to explain why this is something every person should be willing to support in some way. Even if all you do is keep your eyes open.)
  • On the lighter side, it’s National Poetry Writing Month. I’ve made it my goal to write a poem every day in April. I will posting them on my poetry blog, which I may link in the future, but won’t be posting here, unless it’s related to political awareness of some kind. I am trying to keep this blog focused.
  • This month also boasts National Karaoke Week. Which I plan on celebrating by going out every night and singing at least one song. (Best laid plans… It probably won’t happen.)
  • Last, but not least, it’s a very dear friend’s birthday month. This friend is my consistent restorer of hope in humanity. She is a straight, cis, married, stay at home mom. I’m basically the exact opposite of all that. But we’re friends. Because we both love to speak out for causes and we also accept each other. No strings attached. So, anyway, Happy Birthday, KP! I love you.

And, a couple things not specific to April:

I’m doing a 20in20 over on LiveJournal. Somehow I’m going to manage to do this with my crapping out computer. So we’ll see how well they turn out.

I’m volunteering for my brother’s little league team, and for the league in general. that’s three days a week that I’ve got practices/games.

And I have a full-time job.

So my posts will be sporadic. My next post is going to be about the title of this blog. If you’re looking for tips on how to handle that particular bathroom issue, stay tuned!



Progress, not Perfection

Toilet Paper Go Down the Hole!

[The title today is from one of my favorite Looney Tunes moments ever. Watch it here(opens in new tab or window). This ties with the “elelator go up… elelator go down…” schtick, which I still do sometimes, when I’m alone or with friends in the elevator. Plucky Duck has always been my favorite.]


Today’s Topic: Bathrooms

I know. Scary stuff. Public bathrooms are gross and unfriendly. There’s always a strange, lingering odor, and urine just about everywhere. Sometimes the toilet doesn’t flush. Sometimes it’s back-up before you get there. Sometimes there’s no soap. Often, there’s a line.

And that’s before you add in a person having a markedly different genital configuration. Take all of the above, and place it second to fear, sometimes for one’s very life. (I’ve been working in my office for over a year. My company owns the building, and I’m not the only trans* person in the company, though I am the only one on the floor, and the only one any of my co-workers knows. I still worry about being read as female and getting chewed out, or worse.) But the fear of that is less debilitating than contemplating using the women’s room.

So, how does one get in and out with a minimum amount of trouble?

I’ve got some tips. Please note, this is just a list of things that have worked for me. Some of them are environment dependent. And as always, Your Mileage May Vary.


  • Know your environment. If you’re baby-faced, don’t expect to have it too easy in most bars. At best, they’ll assume you’re young. At worst, they’ll read you as female. And that could be a problem. That said, most retail restaurant environments are okay. The mall is, in my experience, hit or miss, due to the diversity of shops in a mall.
  • Try not to speak, unless your voice is fairly deep. The echo will amplify the “feminity” of your voice. And, generally speaking, guys don’t speak in the toilets.
  • Act like you belong there. Because you do. Walk in, do your thing, and walk out.
  • For the love of anti-bacterial soap, wash your hands! Not doing so will draw more attention to you. (I actually tell my co-workers which men do and don’t wash their hands. There are now social pariahs in my building. Because it’s nasty.)
  • Don’t hesitate. If you want to stand at a urinal, go for it. It you don’t, then don’t even look at the urinal area. If you can’t/don’t want to use a urinal, and all the stalls are full, just form a queue. You don’t have to explain yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable waiting like that, it’s not out of place to just walk out of the bathroom. Plenty of guys do it all the time.
  • If you stand at the urinal, remember the spacer rules. Always try to put one urinal or stall between you and any other occupants. If you have to be beside someone, try to make it only one person. If your choices are either ends of a urinal line, go with the one closest to the door if it’s not in the line of sight when the door opens. If it is in the line of sight (thus potentially outing you using a device) pick the one furthest from the door.

If you have more advice, comment, please! I’ll try to add stuff to the list in later posts.


And remember:

Progress, not Perfection

An Aroma of Burn

So, my computer isn’t completely destroyed. Just most of the way. In any case, I’m working on the bathroom post. I might have it up tomorrow. But I’m being kidnapped tomorrow night, so maybe not. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like anyone’s reading this yet. Or ever will. I just need to have something. Something regular.

I need to do this for myself. More than anything.



Progress, not Perfection

Don’t Shred the Baby

I’ve managed to destroy my computer. No post today because I have a lot of information and some links and such regarding bathroom navigation for trans* guys. And I don’t have the patience to pound it all out from my phone.
Hopefully I’ll be able to get something up soon.


Progress, not Perfection


Just another middle-aged guy raising a family ... except I gave birth to mine

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Transman

Join young Nick, 24, as he tries to show the world he's actually just a regular nice guy and isn't out to destroy civilisation.

Artist hidden in the Shadows

A topnotch site

Break Room Stories

Service Industry Stories and More Since 2012


A blog about being a crazy, queer, classicist.

transgender & nonbinary resources